I call myself the blog stalker. Surfing the web and finding blogs to read is a guilty time waster of mine. There are a lot of GOOD people out there, doing GOOD things, inspiring me and giving me ideas on how to make life better. I am in love with all of them. I read about friends and loved ones and keep up with their daily adventures, and this makes me feel comfort because I love my peeps, those near and far. I also love to blog myself. I enjoy writing about our lives and documenting things with pictures. I have always been an avid journal writer. I have stacks of completed journals in my night stand. I remember spending countless nights in my freshman dorm room with my sidekick, Molly, reading about our high school days and laughing at how crazy we were and how much stinkin' fun we had.
Writing is therapeutic for me. Getting my thoughts out on paper and especially reading them later, seems to teach me lessons about myself. I enjoy reading about the old times, the good times, the fun things friends and family and I have done together, and all the past experiences that have made me who I am today.
When I was introduced to blogging I was going through a rough time. I felt like my world was crashing down around me, and I didn't want to write about anything. I spent those days sulking and wondering if I would ever have a reason to blog. But we're stronger than we think, time heals all wounds, and somehow we get through. So, the last few years have been good. I hope and pray they'll remain this way, but who am I kidding? I know life throws us trials unexpectedly, and this is just part of the plan. I hope the next time a crisis hits I can be stronger than I was the last, because really I wasn't strong at all. Good thing my amazing support system was rock solid, because I really don't know how I would have survived without them.
I'm writing this because I've recently had a few comments said aloud to me about my blog. It has had me "thinking" (which for me can mean worrying, and this is a weakness of mine) and even deleting posts because now I am concerned what others are thinking rather than just posting what I intended. It made me come to a realization. I can't worry about what anyone else thinks, good or bad, about what I write, and lately it seems I either decide on or against a post judging on what others might think about it. I can't do that. I have to be me, which really is the dramatic, nerdy, ridiculous girl that I am. And I have to stop comparing my blog to the much better blogs out there, which are all of them in my opinion, because it isn't a contest, right? I can't compete, more importantly, I don't have the energy to do so, and that just defeats the purpose of blogging, which really....I love.
You see, blogging serves a purpose for me personally and that is an outlet, an escape from the daily grind to write and document the happy things in my life. I don't usually write about the bad things, because I don't want to remember them or read about them later. Of course I vent about daily frustrations from time to time....but not the BIG stuff. However, in doing that, I don't want to create the illusion that things are perfect round' here either, because that's not the case. As hard as I try, perfection is a word far from accurately describing this household, and all of you who know us know this is the truth!
I guess what I am trying to say is, "I'm sorry if this blog seems pretentious, is dumb, annoying, negative, cheesy, boastful, whatever!" Then I want to smack myself up side the head and say, "STOP!" I can't please everyone in life, why in the world would I think I could on my blog?
So, I'm going to continue to blog about the things that come to me, the things that are weighing on my mind, the things that mean nothing but just pop out, the things that excite me, the things I want to document, the things I want to remember, however frivolous, lame, forced, poorly written, too spiritual or not spiritual enough, or maybe even sometimes great (to me), they might be. I vow to try harder to stop comparing myself with the amazing bloggers out there and try to blog for myself without any regard for how it seems to anyone else.
