Perspective

I was pretty bummed Friday afternoon when I came home to find my blue, painted kitchen NOT the way I envisioned it. In the sunlight it is a bright, robin-egg blue, and looks nothing like the Wedgewood gray color I found in Pottery Barn. With my dark green shutters and light kitchen cabinets, it looks awful.

I sulked most of the evening until about 10 p.m. when Bob found a drip in the ceiling in the office, which led to a downpour of water, a cut open ceiling, and a completely torn apart upstairs bathroom. Apparently a pipe to the tub faucet had been leaking for months, causing major water damage.


Just like that, the terrible, blue colored, kitchen walls.....didn't matter anymore.

We spent an evening visiting Emily who found out only weeks ago she has cancer. At just 27 years of age, she has the fight of her life ahead of her. In true character, she was positive and upbeat. As she spoke of her chemo and radiation plans, surgeries, and all that was in store for her in the upcoming months, my heart ached.

Just like that, our disaster zone, water damaged house...didn't matter anymore.

(A gift given to "Baby boy." Thank you, Maren.)

I woke up Tuesday morning ready for my second to last Dr. appt. I was feeling brave, all pumped up, ready to beg my Dr. to take the baby a few days early so I could be out of the hospital in time to make it to Bob's big race and cheer my man to the finish.


My Dr. took one look at me and said I looked too small to be delivering in a few weeks. Not me, per say, but my baby belly. He did an ultra sound. There was panic in his voice. Questions were flying. He was uncharacteristically flustered as he thumbed through my chart.


Something was wrong.


At 37 weeks, "Baby boy" is weighing just 3 lbs. and judging by the fluid level, he is ready to come.

I spent the day in fear, crying, talking on the phone to loved ones, and feeling sadness beyond explanation for "Baby boy."


It could be a number of "not good" things, or maybe, just maybe he'll be o.k. Today, I am feeling very optimistic, and until I see the specialist Friday morning and hear otherwise, that's how I'll remain.


Just like that, the early delivery date, Bob's big race, the giant "before baby comes" list, the wrong blue colored walls, our water damaged home....


None of it matters anymore.

Then I think of Emily, "Baby boy", and everyone else who is struggling with a trial right now, and after lots of thinking and moments on my knees in prayer, really, I am feeling a bit embarassed and ashamed that it ever did.

Good-bye yellow walls!

From Projects

Good-bye yellow walls.

Tomorrow, you'll be blue.

I'm crossing my fingers ever so tightly that you'll turn out O.K.

Then I'll mark another item off of my GIANT, before baby arrives, TO DO list.

Truthfully, the list is getting a little ridiculous.

It might be consuming me...yes, just a little.

I have less than three weeks.

The things to do, to fix, to buy, to clean, to organize, etc.....

CRAZY!

However, I'm giving it A SHOT because when Max or Drew (short list names) arrives...

My best guess is...

Aint' nothin' getting done round here!

See YOU soon...

I feel like our days are a busy whirlwind. To the zoo for a field trip, to a classroom for a party, to soccer, piano, swimming, Tavasi, you name it. It's May and everything from school to sports and other extra curricular activities are at their height, exploding with parties, performances, the whole nine yards, before they slowly spiral downward, come to a close, and take a REST for the summer.

Oh, summer hiatus, I long for you. I really do. You are so close I can taste ya!

As I drove Avery to Kindergarten the other day she asked, "Mom, do you know why I am so excited for summer?"

"Yes, I think I do." I replied.

"Why?"

"Because we'll celebrate your birthday!"

"Yes, and why else?" she asks.

"Because "baby boy" is coming." I assume.

"Yes, and why else?"

"Because we'll spend our days at Roaring Springs." I think.

Oh, boy is she getting more excited with every answer, and I am finding myself getting quite anxious too!

"Yes, and why else?"

Sheesh....I'm trying to think of another before she interjects....

"Oh, mom, the LAKE!" she squeels.

"Holy cow, how could I have forgotten?"

Then a flood of memory snapshots run through my head, lemonade stands, bike rides on the green belt, picnics, visits with family and friends, Bob's big race, camping, lazy days, no where to be, no work, sitting on the porch swing watching the kids play in the back yard, cruising the lake on the boat, chasing the ice- cream man, eating fresh fruit and barbecuing up a storm. Late night walks, Baumgartners, the smell of freshly cut grass, chlorine and sunscreen.

.......My goodness,the list goes on and on and on.

Oh, summer, we're craving you like Big Mama's craving chocolate at midnight.

We simply can't wait.....to see you soon!

Happy day, Mother's Day!

....and that's what Mr. Owen kept telling me.

I don't know who was more excited about Mother's Day this year, me or my kids.

Bob went the extra mile and included the kids in the entire process.

They left me home alone Friday night and started prepping for Sunday. They shopped for presents, made cards, painted pics. , bought food for the meals, and planned all our day's activities.

I woke up Sunday morning just after 7 to find my bedroom door closed and this sign hanging from it.

Breakfast in bed was fun. The fruit parfait with the enormous boysenberries....delicious. My GIANT, cards, paintings, and hand-made gifts.......the best!

Next, it was church, where all three kids stood on the stand with the primary and sang a few of my very favorite songs. I sat in the congregation and had a "moment." It seems like yesterday that I stood on the stand and sang for my mom. It amazes me how quickly life goes, and sometimes I have to stop and take it in. I am these kid's mother. Most of the time it seems absolutely surreal. I am in love with them.

We came home from church and not only was the sun shining, but it was WARM. It has been so rainy, overcast and cool here that the sun's heat felt amazing. We played in the backyard the rest of the day. No kidding, we stayed outside until 8 p.m.

Bob took care of every meal and cleaned up afterwards too. I tried to sweep the floor and throw in a load of laundry, but he wouldn't have it. "You are not allowed to lift a finger unless it is to put something in your mouth!" he ordered. I thought that was pretty funny, until I realized that was exactly what I did all day...EAT!

I think the day was just right because we did "nothing." We had no where to be. We were just home, enjoying the weather and each other. We jumped on the tramp, played freeze-tag, baseball, and of course, the girls played "house." Life's crazy busy, and we don't get to just "play"nearly as much as we should.

From family fun

It was time for bed. We put the kids in the tub and walked around the bedrooms upstairs opening windows and turning on ceiling fans. We were in Payton's room and I plopped down on her bed. Bob snuggled up beside me. Pay's bed is our old bed. The very first bed we had together. I don't know why, but we think it's the most comfortable bed in the world. We laid there chatting about life, how much ours has changed, our fears and concerns about the changes a new baby brings, how much we love these kids, and how important our roles are as their parents.

Life isn't always blissful and most days aren't this easy. Let's face it, there's even been a Mother's Day or two I would just assume forget. Believe me, we've had our "times." We still do. We're no strangers to weathering storms, but I am glad we continue to TRY, strive each day to be better, forgive, love, and serve one another. It is amazing how much stronger, and definitely more appreciative we become of each other when we do this.

Because really, I never could have imagined Bob and these kids would bring me this much happiness. I love the four of them more than I could even try to express, and this Mother's Day is one I want to remember. It was all the simple, sweet, thoughtful things they did that made me feel like the luckiest gal alive.

"Happy day, Mother's Day!," Owen continued to shout, and we would all look at each other, smile and laugh.

Because of Bob and the kids....

Indeed it was.

From Mother's Day

Oh, the Irony!

Last year, I made this post.
I would have begged, stolen and borrowed to have been selected to run the...

St. George Marathon.

It didn't happen, and I was sorely disappointed.

From Marathon

But, I ran Top of Utah anyway, and the training and race experience are some of my most favorite memories.

Call me ridiculous, but I sure loved that new, shiny, FAT medal!

This year, I again signed up for St. George. It was like I just had to have another shot to get in. I wasn't thinking that there was no way in hell I could run a marathon just a few, short months after having "baby boy."

So, what happens.......

You guessed it.

Miss Mal, called me bright and early this morning to share the good news.......

Congratulations to ME! I made the LOTTERY! I am IN like FLYNN!

(Can you just hear the sarcasm in my typing voice?)

Right now, I have about as much desire to run that race as I do to clean dirty toilets.

OH, THE IRONY!

Over Eatin'

From Sheep Shed

From Avery on the farm

From Owen on the farm

From Sheep Shed 2

Who had a great time at the Sheep Shed?

My animal lovin' kids!

The very first Kindergarten field trip of the year, Owen and I discovered Avery's first crush.

This time, we weren't surprised that it was her friend, Brady L she wanted to follow around the farm. At 5 years of age, Miss Avery's already boy crazy. I can't imagine where she gets that? Wink, wink.

Brady L, who lives in our neighborhood, was over playing the other day. He and Avery were sitting at the kitchen counter waiting patiently as I sliced some apples for a snack.

"I am going to eat 1,000 apple slices," Brady declared.

"If you eat 1,000 apple slices, you'll be sick," Miss Avery assures.

"Are you Mormon?" Brady blurts.

"Ya," Avery replies.

"You believe differently than I do." Brady remarks.

I can't help but to smile.

"Mom?" Avery questions.

"If you eat 1,000 apple slices, will you get sick?"

"Ya," I start to explain when I am interrupted mid word.

"Are you Mormon?" Brady questions with a look of all serious concern across his sweet, 5 year old face.

"Yes." "Guilty." I reply.

Shaking his head he says, "You believe differently than I do."

"That might be true," I tell him. "But I am pretty sure, if you eat 1,000 of anything, whether it be something healthy like an apple slice or not, you'll probably feel sick."

Oh, Brady L, you gave me a good laugh! Believe me, Mormon or not, this Big Mama knows a thing or two about feelin' sick from Over Eatin'.

Unflatteringly Swollen

From 33 Weeks

Dear Bob,

Thanks for surprising us with donuts for breakfast this morning. The kids and I were excited to eat a delicious maple bar with a cold glass of milk, in place of the usual cereal. However, next time, maybe just pick up a dozen. You know I have no willpower. You see, I just finished my 5th donut, and now I'm feeling a bit sick.

Love you,

Big Mama ( 33 weeks)

P.S. The pics. just aren't doin' em' justice. My feet and ankles....unflatteringly (if that's even a word) swollen!

A tremedous time

Fourteen years ago this summer, Miss Heather and friends threw me a bridal shower. This past weekend, we were lucky enough to do the same for her. So we held it in Pocatello and my dear friend...really one of the best people I know....flew all the way from NC for us to celebrate her BIG LOVE! Because she is so amazing, I always knew she'd marry someone special. She truly found him, and we couldn't be happier for her.

After the shower we ladies snuck away to Lava for the night where we all stayed together in a little house on Main St., went for Thai food, soaked in the hot pools, and stayed up WAY too late, laughing and having a great time.

Heather gets married July 3rd in NC. Bob and I wouldn't miss it for the world. Just a few short weeks after baby boy is born, we'll make the trip, just the three of us. I know the timing isn't the greatest for me. I'll have a brand new baby, and will be real lucky if by then I can squeeze into my bride's maid dress. But Sunday afternoon, after the long drive home, I told Bob all about my amazing weekend with Heather, her family, and friends. I assured him, if it was just a glimpse of the festivities we have to look forward to at the wedding in NC in July.....no matter what OUR circumstances are....

We're going to have a tremendous time!

Around the Corner

From Good bye hair

The man has GREAT hair,

(I would know. I was cursed with the opposite.)

and although I beg him not to,

every* single* spring......

He Shaves It!

He'll keep it this way all summer long and late into the fall.

But this time, as the kids took turns buzzing it all away,

I was surprised that I was actually a little excited.

You see, I realized something.

For me

Bob.....shaving his head...

if nothing else,

serves as a pleasant reminder

SUMMER'S RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER!

Wishing Her Back

From Miss Nelly

Although I have a million pics. of the kids with Miss Nelly, these are the last three, taken Friday afternoon, our last day spent with her before we took her to a new family. It is now Sunday night, the kids are asleep in their beds, and I am still crying! I know Bob and I talked about finding her a new home, for a million different reasons, but I never thought we'd ACTUALLY do it. "You can't really do it." I would tell him. I mean, we had been through so much with her in the last year. Now she was part of the family. "Yes, I can." he would say. "She's just a dog." She was just a dog, and she did turn our world (and especially our house) upside down, but we LOVED her and she was OURS.

It all happened so fast. Bob found her a good home, and just like that.....she's gone. The kids and I are missing her something terrible. I had no idea how much Nelly being gone would affect us. Let's just say, the last few days have been ROUGH.

Bob is quite annoyed with me. I feel like he's being unsympathetic, and he thinks I am being over dramatic. I think we're probably both a little guilty of the two. But the fact of the matter is....she was pretty much, MY dog, well, and Avery's of course. But, it was me who took care of her. She was here with me all day, she followed me and laid at my feet wherever I went, she ran to me when I came home, rode with me in the car, and loved me unconditionally.

I remember Britt calling me last year so upset over the loss of their family cat. I sympathized with her, but really.....I didn't get it. I had one dog growing up. He was mean and ornery, and I couldn't stand the mutt. I never considered myself an animal or dog, for that matter, lover, but after having Nelly, I now understand. I understand how attached you can become to an animal. I understand how their unconditional love and always being there is something you count on. I understand how difficult and heart wrenching it is to lose them.

The kids have been stronger about her leaving than I thought. Of course, they've shed tears and said little things such as, "I can't believe she's not coming back", "I want her home so bad", "You've taken away my best friend", "I am so sad", and those little words have simply broken my heart. But, overall, I've been relieved with how resilient they've been.....lots better than their weak Mama, that's for sure.

The reality is.....Miss Nelly went to a great family who has two older dogs to keep her company and become her new friends. She was a surprise to a 10 year old girl who adores her. We received word tonight that she is adjusting well, happy, and has become the 10 year old girl's new shadow. So, I'll keep reminding myself that Nelly is O.K. and tell myself this is for the best. I know when our new baby comes soon...it will be.

But right now, that's a really hard thing to do

because I'm struggling a little

to muster up the courage

TO STOP.......

WISHING HER BACK.