Baby Boy in My Belly

There's a baby boy in my belly who doesn't have a name. I saw him today in an ultra sound. Something about seeing him makes me smile and get excited and even a little teary eyed because I want him bad. But, it also reminds me that he is real, arriving in just over three months, and he doesn't have a name.

Why is this bothering me so? Why am I so anxious to call him something and be happy with whatever name that might be? Why am I concerned that that certain, special name isn't going to come, and I am going to settle on something I don't love but called him anyway for lack of anything better to name him? Why is my husband full of lots of, "No's, No way's, never, not that, absolutely nots', come on, please's? " when I mention a name? And why is his only help or suggestion a shoulder shrug and look that reads, "I have NO idea!"

Bob calls me today while I'm out running the kids to their various activities. He tells me there's a dental assistant in one office who is due right before me. She is naming her boy, Maddox. Then there was another dental assistant in another office who is due after me. She is naming her boy, Austin. "Great," I think. They have names! He then proceeds to tells me that he discloses to the ladies that he is having so much fun seeing the look on my face when he says, "No" to whatever name I suggest, that even when he likes one, he repeats, "No!"

Please. This girl was not surprised. It did give me a good laugh though. Then my wheels went spinning and I thought, "Maybe he really does like some of these names I've been throwing out."

So, I ask.

His reply....

"No."

He's killing me............slowly.

In the meantime, I'll keep searching for that, just right, sounds good, looks good, I love it, perfect (to me), name.

Until then, tiny one will just have to be,

Baby Boy in My Belly.

Pay's First Valentine

I picked up the kids from school yesterday at the usual time, in the usual place, but something wasn't so usual about Miss Payton Ally. From the moment she entered the car, I noticed she was acting exceptionally giddy. She kept looking at me and smiling. "What?!" I would ask, thinking she was probably embarrassed about something I was wearing, saying, doing, etc. She'd just shake her head, grinning wide.

After all the neighbor kids were dropped at their doors, we made our way down the street to our house. As soon as we pulled into the driveway, Payton let loose.

"So, mom, listen to this.....at lunch Thompson came up to me and told me to meet him in front of Mrs. ? class after school because he had something for me. I couldn't stop thinking about it all day long. I just wondered and wondered what he would have for me. Finally after school I went to the classroom and he was waiting."

At this point, she is ready to explode. This is something good, something grand, I can feel it and the anticipation is killing me.

She reaches into her backpack and pulls out a medium sized, heart shaped, box of chocolates, wrapped beautifully with:

To :Payton
From: Dallas
written in black marker on the front of the box.

"So, he gives me this!" She holds it out for me to see. She is BEAMING! Payton has crushed on Dallas since Kindergarten. "Thompson gave it to me because Dallas was just too shy," she explains. I could have cried. I know, I know, ridiculous, but her excitement was so contagious, and it made me happy that she was elated, surprised and excited all at the same time. I mean this mama knows that in the world of a third grade girl, this is TOP DRAWER! And, I don't know that there's anything that makes parents feel better than seeing our kids genuinely happy, right?!

I relished in that moment, you know, Pay telling me about her Valentine. It reminded me of a poignant part in the book, The Middle Place. You see the main character had a rough 9th grade year. She didn't have any friends and all the girls in school were mean to her. When she asked her mom years and years later what her mom's worst year of school was, her mom answered, "9th grade." "Why 9th grade mom?" she questioned. "Not my ninth grade, your ninth grade." She realized that her troubled 9th grade year was just as hard on her mom as it was on her.

As I read that part in the book my heart felt heavy. This most certainly is the truth. When our kids are suffering, we suffer, and Pay has had her fair share of "not so good times" at school. I remember in the second grade when she wouldn't finish her work so she could stay in at recess and avoid the playground. There were times when her teacher would make her go out for recess to get some fresh air. I would drive by the school periodically and and see her sitting cross legged, leaning up against the building, alone, reading a book. Wow, did that make my heart ACHE!

But, the beauty of it is... when our kids are happy, we get to experience that with them too. Those moments of joy are the ones we hang on to. This year, for Payton, has been different, better, in a lot of ways. For the first time, she has made friends with a few girls in her class, who call her on the phone and come over to play. Payton seems happier and more at ease at school. So far, third grade has been a good year. And most certainly, one of my favorite memories of Pay's third grade year, will always be, the day she came home GLEAMING, sharing the story of her FIRST VALENTINE!

Fair Warning

The kids were given temporary tattoos for Valentine's. I sat and watched as Pay applied the pink and red, heart shaped tats all over Ave and Owen's little bodies.

"I want one right here," Avery says, as she turns around, sticks out her behind and points to the middle of the very bottom of her back.

"Lovely," I am thinking.

Then she turns to me and in a nonchalant fashion states,"Mom, I probably WILL get a tattoo."

Instantly, her face changes. With a look of sheer seriousness and one raised, pointed finger in the air, she declares, "But I will NEVER smoke!"

Wide eyed and speechless, I just nod my head.

I am laughing inside and try desperately to keep a straight face.

"There I have it," I think to myself, a quick glimpse into Avery's future.

Time will tell if that tattoo transpires.

But, until then, let it be documented......

This Mamma's been WARNED!

EMERGENCY!

My computer crashed last Wednesday. I am still waiting for my computer tech. from work to call or come by and FIX the darn thing. I am crossing my fingers and saying silent prayers that everything saved and stored on the lovely thing will remain when he gets it up and running again (...years of pictures, documents, kid's birthday letters, lesson plans, talks, etc. ) I sure am grateful for a friend who has an extra lap top and let me borrow hers for the time being. I logged on today to find 165 papers waiting for my marks. That's a lot of BORING time to be spent on the computer!

I must say, it was quite refreshing today to check emails, facebook, and blogs. Ahhhh, it feels good to be connected! I need my "puter", as we call it around here. I have lots of pics. of our last two weekends in McCall I am anxious to post. We were fortunate to take our kids two weekends ago to Winter Carnival. Last weekend I went again with my lovely, Logan ladies. We reunite once a year. This year we all congregated to Boise. I am sad just thinking that little reunion is over. Why is it the things you look forward to all year long pass by in a blink of an eye? How ever many days we spend together is just NEVER enough. I miss those girls something fierce already.

So, I'm wondering what on earth it's going to take to get the computer tech. to return my call. I called 6 days ago whining about the crash and declaring an EMERGENCY (and you know there was desperation in my voice). Wouldn't ya think he'd have called by now?

Nope.

Still waiting.

Tech dude doesn't get it....

This girl.... in absence of her "puter"

.....serious EMERGENCY!

Turning 9

From Payton's birthday

Reason to Celebrate!

"Big Mama"

...and that's Bob's new term of endearment!

For 4 months this pregnancy thing has really been a breeze. I wasn't sick, laying in bed nauseous, or throwing up on a whim, like when prego with the girls. All was well, you know, me super excited to finally be pregnant. Then BAM, just like that, "Mama gettin' big!" It's like it happened over night. I'm sporting a big belly, gaining weight, feeling it in my face, sleeping restlessly at night, and enduring the heart burn. So, here we go, embarking on the last 4 months. The ones I dread! Oh, Mama Mia!

I watched Oliver this week. It was exactly what I needed. An awesome reminder of why we do this to ourselves.

Look at the adorable, little peanut.

I couldn't get enough of him.

Owen was so excited when Oliver FINALLY opened his eyes and awoke from dream land. Until then it was, "Mom, just wake him up. Mom, I want to play with Oliver. Mom, when is he going to be awake? Mom, why is he STILL sleeping?" Owen has a lot to learn about newborns.

Little man, I know you're anxious to be a big brother. Four more months, my boy. Believe me, I want it to fly by as quickly as you do. Let's make a wish and cross our fingers tightly that June will come in a FLASH!

Love,

Big Mama