p.a.r.t.y.

From Pay's day

From Pay's b-day

u-what?

It didn't take long before Bob and I discovered Mr. Max had completely miss-matched ears.

Yup, Max's left ear......an exact replica of mine, and the right, that would be Bob's.

Miss-matched ears........Weird? Unattractive? Goofy?

Naaaaah.......we'll go with Rare, Adorable, and my all time fave........

UNIQUE.

(wink, wink)

side kicks

From boys in the tub

O and Max.....my every day side kicks.

I heart side-kicks.

reunion

Early this morning vanilla GU wet my tongue and slid slowly down my throat. It was the first time I'd tasted the stuff since my marathon, almost a year and a half ago.

Last night I finished my novel. Kim gave it to me for Christmas. When I opened the package a flood of emotions rolled over me. Jeannette Walls also wrote, The Glass Castle, a novel that twisted my heart strings so forcefully that as embarrassing as it is to admit, it had me researching, emailing and maybe even mildly stalking Ms. Walls. I didn't know if I should read Half Broke Horses. Her previous novel had me crying afterwards for three straight days. Bob found me sobbing in the shower one morning and shaking his head he lectured, "You just can't read books like that!" I'm happy to report I didn't cry one time during or after the novel. It was nowhere near the emotional roller coaster as her first, and I enjoyed it immensely.

I finished The Help over the Christmas break. My only complaint, I didn't feel I had real closure, and really that isn't a complaint but more of a compliment to Ms. Stockett, because her characters were so vibrant, heroic and noteworthy in my book, that when the novel sadly came to a close, I was left feeling hungry for more. To her characters, I just wasn't yet ready to say, "good-bye."

Isn't it funny, that after 8 hard months with a newborn, it's the subtle things (a long run accompanied by a taste of GU and finishing two delicious novels) that bring us back to ourselves, reminding us of who we are, and giving us hope that our old life is waiting patiently for us, just around the bend. Quite possibly, before I know it, we'll stumble upon each other and when we do, I envision myself, arms wide and out-stretched, welcoming in that old life, quite certain.......

It will be one glorious reunion.

da big boyz

From Bob hunting

Found these pics. hiding on my camera this morning.

I'm still bewildered.

Up before roosters, trudging through wintry temps, only to bury themselves in freezing snow to wait for a bird?

GET OUT!

No intent to offend the avid hunter, but I have to admit......

this looks like a piping hot bowl of MISERY to me!

And if this is what the big boys do for fun..........

Well, I ain't never felt so lucky to be a GIRL!

a decade

From Collages

(Miss Pay, a go getter, a hard worker, an example to her siblings, and a maker of one proud mama)


.....a decade ago, today, she was born, changing my life forever, turning me into something bigger than I ever thought I'd be.....a mother. Who would have thunk that I would relish in that roll, that it would mean more to me than any other element in this big, out-stretched world, that she and her siblings would be the crew, the driving force that help me strive every day to speak kinder, be, and do.....so much better. I owe them a lot for giving me that gift, so when I'm sacrificing, running ragged, doing all I can.....for them, I just consider it little pieces of my pay back.

I've spent the entire week scurrying around like mad doing every little thing in my super mama powers to make Pay's day sublime. It's times like today, when I'm overwhelmed, which seems more often than not, I think of my own mother. I wonder how she did it. My days as a child seemed relatively calm, our home unusually tidy and clean, delicious meals served, fun family adventures were had, and birthdays were full of simple but special things that made us feel loved. Try as I may, to do the same, for me, it seems like such a chaotic struggle.

I hate to admit it, but I've always been hard on my mom, and that's probably an understatement. I haven't been forgiving, and guiltily I cut my mom a pretty small slice of that loathsome "slack"pie. I'm sorry it's taken walking up, down, and all around in her shoes before I could look back, reflect, and say whole heartedly, "I get it."

I get that she tried. She undoubtedly tried. For that, I am genuinely grateful.

I think a lot about my own kids, how they view me, will treat me, and if when they get older they'll want me in their life or consider me more of a nuisance. I'm sincerely hoping they'll give me a generous portion of "slack" pie, and suppose I better start doing better at serving it myself.

I sure learned quick that this parenthood thing isn't easy. It's a juggling act of all kinds of sorts, and I find myself clumsily dropping balls, falling short, and even some days, down right failing. But at this very moment, on this special day, the 10th birthday of my first born, I have concluded.........

I'm trying, oh, how I'm trying.

I witness mothers around me trying, and my own mother tried too. And really, the unmistakable truth is, as long as we're sincerely trying , they'll know.

They'll know...............

they're loved, and THAT, is the only thing that matters.

simple joys

It's been almost 8 months since I shared this post.

It's strange to look back and realize our assumptions were that something was genetically wrong with Baby boy, and all the while, he was genetically just fine, but because of two true knots in my umbilical cord, he was dying and we were closer to losing him than I like to think about.

I've let myself give in to those thoughts and to the thoughts of Ms. Emily's cancer winning her physical battle, but then I stop because those thoughts could quite possibly erode a gaping hole in my heart.

As I attempt to engage with the complexities of life, I arrive at an insight.

We CAN keep going. We HAVE the will to fight against relentless obstacles. Love, care, and concern of others can CARRY us when we are too weak to walk.

I know this to be true.

Words can't express how grateful I am for people in my life who have taught me this, done this for me.

Oh, the complexities of life, I'll leave them to someone else. Instead, this incomplex girl will take comfort in the simplicity of life, like a day spent with these two below. Because that day brought real joy, and I whole heartedly believe...

It is the small and simple joys we experience that guide us to the most intricate path of happiness.

(Emily + Max = true fighters, lovers of life, and givers of joy and happiness.)

From Drop Box

Ahhh.....Christmas.

Christmas 2010

Big surprises

Hand-tied faves


Comical excitement

.....and pink, rock star, hair extension thrills!



I forewarned Bob that Christmas was going to be SIMPLE. I try to "cut back" every year. This Christmas season, I thought I'd accomplished the task quite successfully, until Bob took one flabbergasted look at the loot.

He turned my way. In all seriousness he wide-eyed replied, "I think you might have single handedly pulled our economy out of a recession."

......and he says I'm dramatic?!