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| From Collages |
(Miss Pay, a go getter, a hard worker, an example to her siblings, and a maker of one proud mama)
.....a decade ago, today, she was born, changing my life forever, turning me into something bigger than I ever thought I'd be.....a mother. Who would have thunk that I would relish in that roll, that it would mean more to me than any other element in this big, out-stretched world, that she and her siblings would be the crew, the driving force that help me strive every day to speak kinder, be, and do.....so much better. I owe them a lot for giving me that gift, so when I'm sacrificing, running ragged, doing all I can.....for them, I just consider it little pieces of my pay back.
I've spent the entire week scurrying around like mad doing every little thing in my super mama powers to make Pay's day sublime. It's times like today, when I'm overwhelmed, which seems more often than not, I think of my own mother. I wonder how she did it. My days as a child seemed relatively calm, our home unusually tidy and clean, delicious meals served, fun family adventures were had, and birthdays were full of simple but special things that made us feel loved. Try as I may, to do the same, for me, it seems like such a chaotic struggle.
I hate to admit it, but I've always been hard on my mom, and that's probably an understatement. I haven't been forgiving, and guiltily I cut my mom a pretty small slice of that loathsome "slack"pie. I'm sorry it's taken walking up, down, and all around in her shoes before I could look back, reflect, and say whole heartedly, "I get it."
I get that she tried. She undoubtedly tried. For that, I am genuinely grateful.
I think a lot about my own kids, how they view me, will treat me, and if when they get older they'll want me in their life or consider me more of a nuisance. I'm sincerely hoping they'll give me a generous portion of "slack" pie, and suppose I better start doing better at serving it myself.
I sure learned quick that this parenthood thing isn't easy. It's a juggling act of all kinds of sorts, and I find myself clumsily dropping balls, falling short, and even some days, down right failing. But at this very moment, on this special day, the 10th birthday of my first born, I have concluded.........
I'm trying, oh, how I'm trying.
I witness mothers around me trying, and my own mother tried too. And really, the unmistakable truth is, as long as we're sincerely trying , they'll know.
