an update.

(Payton, Avery, Owen and Max...saying their final good bye to Great Grandma J who three days later, slipped away peacefully.)

My blog's been abandoned for three weeks. That's a new record. I'm finding myself spread thin, really, really thin. I had no idea, or maybe I forgot, or pretended not to remember....the toll a new baby can take. Even so, I adore and could devour, Mr. Max in ALL his cuteness. Serious lack of sleep aside, I am enjoying him, probably more than any other of my new babes. This, because I'm older, wiser, less anxious, and have learned to "let go" of a lot of things, like the laundry, nightly meals, and the cleanliness of my home!

Lately, it seems I'm shaking my thing all day long, only to get the daily things in tact. What's not happening is time for the "extras", like writing a post on the moments in the last few weeks that have moved me to tears, such as the passing of Great Grandma J, the kids and my visit with her and our final good-bye, Max's first snowfall and catching Payton dancing with him outside under the fresh, white flakes, Owen shedding tears each night, missing his buddy and roommate of two years, Avery, who now shares a room with Payton, Robert returning home from a week in Wisconsin, and me realizing, once again, how much I need that man, enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday with loved ones, sharing memories and listening to stories of my grandmother's childhood, even road tripping to Reno, and with our Bronco lovin' buddies, witnessing a gut-wrenching loss where a much deserving team's high hopes and dreams for a BIG game faded into the distance.

Christmas is a short, few weeks away. I haven't purchased but one thing so far, and the thought of all the shopping, decorating, baking, visiting, party attending, that comes with the season, quite frankly.....makes me restless. I decided this year our family needs to try harder not to bank on anything MAGNIFICENT in the monetary sense. Instead I am going to concentrate on building memories with the kids on a less grand scale. My goal is to enjoy the simple, magical things, make time for our family traditions, serve and give to those in need, focus on our Savior and the real reason we celebrate. By doing this I hope to spend less time running around, fussin' and frettin' over the trivial things that seem to negatively steal our time and energy away from this, "the most happiest time of the year."

The Christmas books are placed in a decorative box at the foot of the fireplace. We've already been enjoying hot cocoa, each in our best-loved mug, and reading our favorite holiday stories by the fire. With shrunken funds and when time is of the essence, I have to remind myself.....

"Things are just stuff. Christmas is about love, .....and we have quite enough."

(Night Before The Night Before Christmas, Natasha Wing.)

color me bad

From hair

Mrs. Platinum Blonde decided it was time for a change. She asked for her "natural" color, whatever that was. So after the stylist matched her roots and underneath, unbleached locks, this is what transpired.

Miss Pay snapped a few shots to show the friends and fam. the new look. "Come on mom, swing your hair, have fun, be cool!"

Fo Real?

Totally, never been cool, me.....let inhibition out of her cage. You bet I gave it a whirl. I spun my mop so hard my head hurt. I placed my finger, ever so cool like, right up next to my lip, oh ya. I even threw myself romantically at Bob when he happened to walk by, interrupting this totally "bad", (the cool sense of the word) photo shoot.

Obviously, none of it was working. The pics.....totally ridiculous. Sorry, Pay. Too cool for school just isn't, and never has been, this girl's flavor.

Now, the pics. below, taken by Miss Avery herself, most definitely suit your MAMA....

much better.

Fo Sho!

From me n pay

When I walked in the door after getting my hair done, Avery took one look at me, threw herself on the floor, rolled around and cried. After calming her down I asked why the tantrum. Her tearful response, "Now I look like I'm adopted!" No worries, no worries, Miss Ave. This creature of habit can't promise, come summer time, I won't transform my hair back to lookin' like your mama.

bob's a geek

From max

Geek. A rather strange sounding word. Green, not my favorite color, especially on Max.

"My dad's a geek," really, that's a bit immature and silly wouldn't you think? Would I go as far as to call it, "stupid?"

A sophisticated person might think so, but instead immature, ridiculous me gets a good chuckle every time I pull this onesie from the clean clothes pile....quickly putting it on the babe.

Admittedly so, the shirt makes me smile. Corny or not....

it's a personal fave.

the "m" word

Yes, the video contains my baby boy blowing an unruly amount of mucus out his tiny nostrils and vomiting freely all over his adorable, baby-wearing, white onesie. I'm apologizing for that in advance, however, it ALSO contains a sound, a word, mock me if you will, that sounds an awful lot like, "mum."

Reason is flaunting a rather impressive campaign, one that's trying to convince me there's no way Max could possibly have said, "mum." He's declaring that it's a mere coincidence that the sound Max's small voice made, just at the exact time the camera was rolling, was indeed peculiarly similar to the name my children call me, but just not so.

However, my Heart tells me Max's sound was undoubtedly the term of endearment, "mum." A word so simple, yet monumentally hefty on the mama scale, because there's nothin', and I repeat, nothin' like hearing your babes say the "m" word!

(Please forgive my absolute ridiculous voice in this video, but I'm convinced there's something about talking to babies that brings out the inner cheese ball in all of us!)

c.h.a.n.g.e.s

Since September, six year old Avery has experienced a lot of changes. Exciting changes for her, like attending school ALL day, losing her two front teeth (yup, the other is missing now too), playing soccer, and wearing her anxiously awaited but truthfully needed, stylish, pink spectacles. These changes for me, are becoming quite apparent each, passing day. Changes that seem to creep up behind me and whisper ever so softly in my open ear,

"Your baby girl is growing up. "

With another child or two of mine I would worry about these changes making them feel insecure or them twisting their small fingers together and holding them tightly in a way that might superstitiously wish them each away. With Avery I don't need to fret. She never mentions caring what others will think. As she dresses for school, combs her hair, puts on her coat, and walks out the door, I know the choices she makes are her own. She beats to her individual drum, and to me her music is inspiring. With her, what you see is what you get, and although it isn't always as reverent or appropriate as her mother would wish, and I might find my fuse running mostly short when dealing with her somewhat outlandish behavior, I too realize that her differences are a gift. She is Miss Avery, with a mind and body of her own in which she embraces with happiness in her little oblivious groove, because she knows no other way.

Quite frankly, I am truly, most graciously relieved, because as her mother I grew up fearing my own music and spending more time than I wished, beating to the drum of my less brave self. I look back now and wish I had been wiser. I wish I had known that doing the things I wanted might not have been easy, but I would have been true to myself, ultimately, feeling more at ease in my individual shoes and unversed, fragile skin.

I carried on my shoulders a heavy sack of insecurities, probably no different or vigorous than anyone else's. Insecurities, none the less, that won battles that I wish I had fought harder for, like in high school when I chose not to play soccer, my favorite sport, my sophomore year because it wasn't "cool" back then, or backing down when wanting to run for junior class president because losing was a much larger risk than my feeble self wanted to take. And those are just a few minute examples of a large pile of regrets that lost the battle to a less heroic self who sometimes just wasn't adventurous enough to pave her individual path.

Avery, I hope you will always know how valuable you are. I hope you will thrive just being YOU. Believe in yourself, because you, my girl, know yourself best. If there is something you like that makes you happy and proud, then go for it. Don't shy away from it because it might not be everyone else's first choice. Know that your losses and failures won't define you unless you let them.

This advice comes from me now, after I've been there and done that. And peacefully, in my late 30's, my sack of insecurities is much smaller. Yes, it's still there, but it seems this wiser self knows better how to tame it. I understand my purpose and embrace my roles enthusiastically. Life is good and the older I get it seems to just get better. I have learned to love big and have chosen happiness. I forgive myself daily, which I know is a must because unfortunately, I'm still making mistakes. I don't strive for perfection but laugh at my inabilities. This once unversed, fragile skin is weathering slowly, and as it does, I find myself accepting the things I cannot change and wanting more to enhance the things I can. Oh boy is it nice to let go and stop stewing over the things I might want for, wish I had or were. Instead I am thankful for the person I am, because each of us are God's gift and when I think of my self as that, simply that and nothing less, I like what I see more and more........

magical. get. away

From Roaring Springs

I miss summer because I always had Roaring Springs. It was like this magical little get away. A place where I could escape the grind, go and relax, and enjoy the sunshine with my water loving' kids.

In the months between June and Sept., when days felt heavy, I would load up the fam., throw in the towels, sunscreen, shades, stroller, pack a giant lunch, and off we went. See ya later responsibility. Adios messy house, loads of laundry, phone calls, and dinner to be made. Yup, leaving you alone, all you "things to do" on a giant list that sometimes felt like a long chain, pulling me down slowly. I'd avoid it ALL and spend the entire day at the water park, me and the kids, each of us, loving every care free moment for our very own reasons.

Today, I am grumpy. I am feeling sad. I am completely overwhelmed. Bottom line.....I am TIRED. This too shall pass, I know, I know, but it sure makes me long for the summer months and Roaring Springs...my magical, little, get a way. Cuz if I could turn back the clock and it was a warm summer day, you can bet that's exactly where we'd be.

Lil' Rebel

Hmm, so much for that long awaited Bieber Do.

You know, in his "skins", sporting his new Mohawk, with a birthday party tattoo on his right forearm, wearing a trampoline burn on his cheekbone...

My shy, sweet, most kind boy, who has my heart and melts it daily...

almost looks.......

like a lil' REBEL.

Game. Day. Baby.

Boy do we look forward to game day.

For us it means...

decking out in Orange and Blue, making our favorite foods, hanging with family and friends, cheering really, really loud for the Broncos, and having A LOT of FUN.

In a nutshell.......

WE LOVE BOISE STATE FOOTBALL!

GO BRONCOS!

Heather. Jeff. Baby to be

From Heather

I had six best friends in high school. We were a group of very different girls who somehow meshed together forming an amazing friendship and having just about as much fun together as humanly possible. We were tight. We got along. There was never a dull or lonely moment in high school, because of them, and I realize now, just how rare that was. People often tell me that they are surprised I am still so close to my high school friends. If you knew these girls, you'd know why. They are some of the very best, smartest, most beautiful, talented, good, caring people I have ever known. I'll hold tight to them forever.

Miss Heather, one of the six, had a dream wedding in NC in July. She married, Jeff, an incredible man who couldn't be more perfect for her. Although, I was supposed to stand by her side as a bride's maid and Bob and I had purchased our tickets a year in advance and had a dream vacation planned with just the two of us and our brand new baby.......everything went awry. I remember the day I called Heather to tell her we just couldn't make it. She wasn't surprised. She knew our situation and told me it was so much more important to stay home and take care of my baby, but I broke down. Missing her wedding was another reminder of my uncertain world and just how much things were out of my control. I wanted so much to be there. She understood and said in no way did she expect me to come, but I was sad...really, really sad.

Trish and Megan called me the morning of the wedding. They filled me in with every beautiful detail making me feel as if I were there. They smothered me with kind words and told me how much they missed me and wished I was there. The phone call meant the world to me.

I missed Heather's big day in July, but her papa Hoge threw her a reception in Pocatello a few weekends ago, and we weren't going to miss it for the world. It was almost surreal finally seeing Heather, hugging and congratulating her on one of the biggest decisions of her life, and then it was really surreal when she and Jeff announced that they were expecting a baby! I nearly fell out of my chair.

I have always been so proud of Heather. She is one of the most successful business women I know. I marvel at her lavish life style and jet setting the country on business, but whenever I would want to talk about her life, she was more interested in mine. She was envious of the chaos children brought, and wanted more than anything to start a family. Her dream is coming true, and I am so excited for she and Jeff to embark on the adventure of parenthood because I know how truly great they are going to be and how fortunate that child is to have them as parents.

I enjoyed the night, seeing and spending time with dear friends. It went too fast, as it always does. As the evening was ending and we were getting close to saying our good bye's, Heather brought me a beautiful white bag full of fun surprises. I loved every thoughtful gift, but my favorite by far was a video she put together. It was titled, Best Friends Forever. I watched it late one night after we had arrived home. I was sitting in the middle of my messy office, thoughts on my mind of all the things I needed to get done. I popped in the video, and as it played I laughed and laughed, cried and cried, enjoying so much the music from the 90's and the pics. of all my dear friends and the crazy good times we had in high school, on spring breaks, in college, and even afterwards. That stroll down memory lane was exactly what I needed.

Heather, Trish, Megan, Brittney, Molly, and Les....

I hope you know that so much of who I am today is because of your friendship. I have learned many great life lessons from each of you. Thanks for being a big part of my past, for making it great, for giving me so many incredible memories, for supporting and loving me in spite of my many flaws, and for continuing to care about me today.

You will ALL forever be.....my dear friends.

I love you.

E.S.C.A.P.E

LEAVING for St. George today.....

Hoping I don't MISS my babies too much.....

Wishing BOB much luck as he holds down the fort.....

Going to cheer good friends to the finish of a BIG RACE.....

Excited to ESCAPE from the grind and enjoy the SUNSHINE.....

Thanks for the fun SONG, Angie B. How is it you know me so well?

Oh, boy did I need a CATCHY tune to blast,

while this mama BUSTS a busy, busy move to......

get on out of here.