Day 5

Day 5 produced one grumpy, tired, impatient mama.

Day 5 brought fighting, sad, irritable kids.

Day 5 delivered restless legs and a near anxiety attack for the one in the cage.

Day 5 rendered a flat tire.

Day 5 presented Max, filling the inside of my shoe with an enormous amount of puke.

Day 5 cultivated the realization that my much anticipated Logan Lady reunion, planned for over a year, in marvelous Monterey CA....for me, wasn't happenin'.

Day 5 provided the understanding that he would be home bound for three weeks with an open wound, hooked to a wound vac, IV antibiotics, and a daily visit (for his sake) from one HOT home health care nurse.

Day 5 brought a lot of whining, moaning, growling and complainin' to the "support system." (Sorry y'all.)

Finally, Day 5 devised a Simon Burch, overwhelmingly sad moment when the kids paused in the parking lot, jumping wildly, little arms a flappin', a sign to their dad, who stood alone in the window of the 5th floor lobby, blowing kisses, and waving "good bye."

Yup, past their bed time, three bawling kids, one sleeping baby, and an exhausted, teary eyed mama reluctantly climbed into the car and drove away begrudgingly, once again, without him.

Day 5 of Bob in medical lock down, in desperation for freedom outside poorly decorated, pastel painted walls......is OVER. Fortunately for us, it went down with the sun. Mal said there had to be a silver lining somewhere, and today, day 6.......this girl's determined to find it.

Thank you friends, family, and even jubilant baby Max, for gifting us "light moments"...... on a day full of heavies.

From Collages

Mr. Max's first love......tub time.

takin' off

From Max

Mr. Max is up on all fours, rockin' away. Back and forth, forward and back...baby boy's gearing for take off. He's quick to fall flat on his belly and scoot himself backwards around a room. Yup, there's a whole lot of reversing going on, but so far, nothing in the forward range.

On a completely unrelated note, Max was given a new nickname by the boys in Bob's church class. They swear Max has an uncanny resemblance to Dewey, the youngest character on the television series, Malcolm in the Middle. I've never seen the show, so I had to Google the kid.

I have one thing to say about that.

Holy Dewey!

And if they ever need someone to play Dewey's younger self, well .......we've got their man!

l.o.v.e.

From Collages

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in." -Morrie Schwartz

Amen, Morrie Schwartz. As I sat with the kids yesterday cutting, coloring, and pasting hearts, I thought about the enormous, heart pumpin' love I feel for them, their dad, and even my dear friends and family. I decided then and there to try this month, in simple ways, to show, sprinkle, shower and spread......the love.....to those around me, because in the midst of my busy, mostly chaotic, every day life, spreading love just hasn't been on the "to do" list, or nowhere near it for that matter. So, it's settled. Spreading love has advanced to the top and TRUE efforts are going to be made because believe me, I know all too well, love is just a word.............. UNLESS WE GIVE IT MEANING.

sunny bliss

Apparently Mr. G-hog did NOT see his shadow. That's some good news, and I'll take it. Boy could I use an early spring and then it's just a jump, skip, and hopefully small baby step, away from..........................

sunny bliss and perfect summer days like this!

From boating 2010

p.a.r.t.y.

From Pay's day

From Pay's b-day

u-what?

It didn't take long before Bob and I discovered Mr. Max had completely miss-matched ears.

Yup, Max's left ear......an exact replica of mine, and the right, that would be Bob's.

Miss-matched ears........Weird? Unattractive? Goofy?

Naaaaah.......we'll go with Rare, Adorable, and my all time fave........

UNIQUE.

(wink, wink)

side kicks

From boys in the tub

O and Max.....my every day side kicks.

I heart side-kicks.

reunion

Early this morning vanilla GU wet my tongue and slid slowly down my throat. It was the first time I'd tasted the stuff since my marathon, almost a year and a half ago.

Last night I finished my novel. Kim gave it to me for Christmas. When I opened the package a flood of emotions rolled over me. Jeannette Walls also wrote, The Glass Castle, a novel that twisted my heart strings so forcefully that as embarrassing as it is to admit, it had me researching, emailing and maybe even mildly stalking Ms. Walls. I didn't know if I should read Half Broke Horses. Her previous novel had me crying afterwards for three straight days. Bob found me sobbing in the shower one morning and shaking his head he lectured, "You just can't read books like that!" I'm happy to report I didn't cry one time during or after the novel. It was nowhere near the emotional roller coaster as her first, and I enjoyed it immensely.

I finished The Help over the Christmas break. My only complaint, I didn't feel I had real closure, and really that isn't a complaint but more of a compliment to Ms. Stockett, because her characters were so vibrant, heroic and noteworthy in my book, that when the novel sadly came to a close, I was left feeling hungry for more. To her characters, I just wasn't yet ready to say, "good-bye."

Isn't it funny, that after 8 hard months with a newborn, it's the subtle things (a long run accompanied by a taste of GU and finishing two delicious novels) that bring us back to ourselves, reminding us of who we are, and giving us hope that our old life is waiting patiently for us, just around the bend. Quite possibly, before I know it, we'll stumble upon each other and when we do, I envision myself, arms wide and out-stretched, welcoming in that old life, quite certain.......

It will be one glorious reunion.

da big boyz

From Bob hunting

Found these pics. hiding on my camera this morning.

I'm still bewildered.

Up before roosters, trudging through wintry temps, only to bury themselves in freezing snow to wait for a bird?

GET OUT!

No intent to offend the avid hunter, but I have to admit......

this looks like a piping hot bowl of MISERY to me!

And if this is what the big boys do for fun..........

Well, I ain't never felt so lucky to be a GIRL!

a decade

From Collages

(Miss Pay, a go getter, a hard worker, an example to her siblings, and a maker of one proud mama)


.....a decade ago, today, she was born, changing my life forever, turning me into something bigger than I ever thought I'd be.....a mother. Who would have thunk that I would relish in that roll, that it would mean more to me than any other element in this big, out-stretched world, that she and her siblings would be the crew, the driving force that help me strive every day to speak kinder, be, and do.....so much better. I owe them a lot for giving me that gift, so when I'm sacrificing, running ragged, doing all I can.....for them, I just consider it little pieces of my pay back.

I've spent the entire week scurrying around like mad doing every little thing in my super mama powers to make Pay's day sublime. It's times like today, when I'm overwhelmed, which seems more often than not, I think of my own mother. I wonder how she did it. My days as a child seemed relatively calm, our home unusually tidy and clean, delicious meals served, fun family adventures were had, and birthdays were full of simple but special things that made us feel loved. Try as I may, to do the same, for me, it seems like such a chaotic struggle.

I hate to admit it, but I've always been hard on my mom, and that's probably an understatement. I haven't been forgiving, and guiltily I cut my mom a pretty small slice of that loathsome "slack"pie. I'm sorry it's taken walking up, down, and all around in her shoes before I could look back, reflect, and say whole heartedly, "I get it."

I get that she tried. She undoubtedly tried. For that, I am genuinely grateful.

I think a lot about my own kids, how they view me, will treat me, and if when they get older they'll want me in their life or consider me more of a nuisance. I'm sincerely hoping they'll give me a generous portion of "slack" pie, and suppose I better start doing better at serving it myself.

I sure learned quick that this parenthood thing isn't easy. It's a juggling act of all kinds of sorts, and I find myself clumsily dropping balls, falling short, and even some days, down right failing. But at this very moment, on this special day, the 10th birthday of my first born, I have concluded.........

I'm trying, oh, how I'm trying.

I witness mothers around me trying, and my own mother tried too. And really, the unmistakable truth is, as long as we're sincerely trying , they'll know.

They'll know...............

they're loved, and THAT, is the only thing that matters.